I really don’t know how to start this… I love you. I thought that was a good way to start! You are one of the closest people to me and I care about you so much, it kills. You are my brother (from another mother.) You always put others before yourself, and sometimes it annoys me. I lied… it annoys me most of the time. Why? … Well because maybe for a change I would like to see you happy. CRAZY THOUGHT?!?! What is so wrong with that? Honestly, can you blame me?! CAN YOU? I didn’t think so… After all you have endured, KILLS ME! You told me earlier that I was right; you were scared. Scared of what?… I know it goes deeper than that. “I’m scared. I’m always scared, I’m not fearless. It’s what you do with fear that matters.” You’re wrong.. a part of you is fearless. You justify everyone else’s actions… why not yours? Did I miss something? Why does everyone else get a “get out of jail free” card? Why don’t you get that luxury? YOU DESERVE SO MUCH!… HAPPINESS & LOVE.
You said you wanted what’s best for her and not you… and that seeing her happy makes you happy, actually happy! You said you went into taking care of her to make her happy, not to get with her, date her, have sex with her, or take advantage of her. You look at her and are simply amazed… in awe! HER. Imperfections… Perfections… Beauty… Soul… HER. LOVE… What is love? Is it just an emotion? Love can be seen, felt and justified… not by logic! We breathe. air (normally) … Why? yes, logic answer is to live…! SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST! AH! Herbert Spencer & Charles Darwin, I would have my brother converse with you two about logic all day long! Now, back to what I was saying… What do you think that means? and NO! not the complete accurate definition that you learned in Biology class three years ago! You are the best. PERIOD. Your “survival” of this planet… the reason you breathe… is bigger than anything you could ever imagine. Why are you afraid! You have been through, WE have been through… a lot! Why can’t you realize that wanting to be happy is NOT selfish. It’s normal! What is normal? I am not normal; or am I? Is she normal… “normal” no, she isn’t. Why? What makes her… HER?
“i am the better choice, but he’s still good for her.” Do you hear yourself? Honestly… do you?! You never give yourself credit, it’s obnoxious! YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MAN. Why can’t you be happy?! not “happy.” I believe in you. You are one of the strongest men I know… my Grandpa would have just adored you <3 He would have been able to talk to you for hours and hours! I’m sure he would have even told you stories from his past. What a character he was :) you remind me of him… selfless, loving, brilliant and trustworthy. All the things a successful man is! I am sure he is laughing at me right now! My hair is a mess, I have make up running down my face… my shirt is ripped and I’m drinking wine (figures.) ITALIAN GIRL PROBLEMS! My grandpa always told me “The less you talk, the less mistakes you make.” and also told me… “You are your own number one.” I never knew what he meant until he passed away. Also, there is an old Italian Fable he LOVED! I read it at his funeral… It is called The ass and his master… hahaha. It is about a donkey… he was so stubborn and never listened to anyone! He knew how to get things accomplished and didn’t care if it took him longer to do… he just wanted it done HIS WAY! Well, one day the master told the ass that if he didn’t listen to him that he would have to deal with the consequences… The ass of course did not listen and ending up falling off a cliff to his death… not the best ending BUT hey! Moral of the story, is sometimes you need to budge just a little bit. Maybe even get a push in the right direction. You are not perfect… but who is?
I adore you! You are the best brother ever and honestly, you can’t be upset at me for wanting you to have what you deserve… the world! You do so much for everyone; I just want you to do somethings for you. I don’t think you understand how much you have done for me. I thank you and will thank you from the bottom of my heart every single day of my life… you saved my life once. A pill bottle just looked so tempting; calling my name. YOU! CALLED ME BACK.
YOU. GAVE. ME. HOPE.
YOU. ARE. IMPORTANT.
YOU. ARE. SOMEBODY, SPECIAL!
I LOVE YOU.